In the stillness, I am blessed.

 I am currently recovering from the removal of all four of my stubborn wisdom teeth being extracted. As well as battling the fact that my dream college did not offer me the scholarship I was dependent on and my plans for next year have shattered. Which has left me waiting for God to open another door and practicing the gift of patience, that I so often pray for an increase in. I see His perfect plan unfolding before me and its better then mine. I'm not sure why I'm so surprised, I mean I'm enchanted by the His goodness and His sovereignty. By Gods grace I am held together by each one of His beautiful promises reminding me that he is faithful in the midst of suffering, my physical suffering, as well as the struggles of my heart.

I find myself reflecting and meditating on how God is currently blessing me so immensely. Although my circumstances seem to really conflict with the joy that comes with following Christ, I have never learned how to renew my mind in a way that effects every word, every action, and every step of faith in my life until now. I am so very thankful for my mentor, bible study from CTO ministries called "Gods Call to Obedience" and Jesus' willing spirit to teach me how to live for His will alone. These last few days have been like a drop of sunshine and I just want to drink up every bit of it. This is such a sweet time in my faith, a time that I believed I absolutely didn't need. A time of stillness, silence, and all things lovely with my Father. My mind is often fogged and overwhelmed with the demands of the world around me. The demand of going to a University, the demand to be successful, the demand to always be doing something, the demand to constantly fill that terrifying silence with noise, any type of noise. Silence is not a monster. We so often believe and make the quiet moments a time when all of our past mistakes, current circumstances, and future fears cloud the depths of our heart, when really its a peace that comes with forgiveness and a dazzling experience with the creator of the stars.

My face hurts, my stomach is aching for something with substance and anything besides pudding, my brain is crowed by the lies of the world reminding me how insignificant and untalented I am, and I originally didn't want anything to do with this quiet time forced upon me be 4 large gaps in the back of my mouth, but how wrong was I. God has set a fire ablaze and reminded me how worthy every ounce of my attention and every second or praise is to glorify him.

I have been thinking a lot about the beatitudes lately. This is the Message version and as it was shared with me this translation changed every thought and feeling I had about these words from Jesus.

Mathew 5:

³ “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

There is a lot less of me to give, and I came to the end of my rope, but God is ruling over my heart and my desires. I am realigned with him.

⁴ “You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

I've lost what I thought was going to be success, and a lot of my control lately. I feel completely comforted by the Lord over all and I am resting in His presence .

⁵ “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

I am overwhelmingly satisfied with my life at this very moment. God has supplied very need and conquered every doubt.

⁶ “You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

Well, I'm pretty hungry and what better to eat up thank the wonderfulness of our God. I want him, I want everything he is and every promises that is eternally true.

⁷ “You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.

I have the spiritual gift of mercy, which although is not like a registered nurse or devout author, I care for every person and every heart and I find myself so very loved. Without amazing math skills, or perfect grammar, I love to love others as I'm loved by Jesus.

⁸ “You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can
see God in the outside world.

I didn't want to be handicapped by not fulfilling my busy daily schedule, but that's what it took for me to realize the measure and the grandness of God and I feel so much better equipped to care for those who are lost.

⁹ “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.


Although it came with disappointment from myself and my amazing family to find that I had not received my hopeful scholarship from my dream school, we learned how to respect one another and seek Gods plan alone. A door closed, and a painted future that points right back to Christ lies straight ahead.


¹⁰ “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom



I am completely committed to this Jesus thing, and I may not be persecuted, but the enemy is so very clever at this time. I am strong with Christ and I am passionate about pursuing His kingdom, evil has nothing against that.

I am blessed.

Jesus,
I am in awe with this sweet time with you. My life is abounding in the blessings that you have so kindly given me. Lord, my cup overflows.

your beautiful,

Your Admiring Daughter